Love, Sex and Missed Connections
a kate west review
directed by Eric Kissack; produced by Lisa Rudin
written by Kenny Stevenson
Official website: http://missedconnectionsmovie.com/

Real-life married couple, the ridiculously talented Kenny Stevenson and Dorien Davies, have worked together a lot, mostly in comedy. So it makes perfect sense that they would make a funny romantic movie together (yup,a rom-com). They play a misguided pair suffering from the pains of recent break-ups in the delightful script by Stevenson, "Love, Sex and Missed Connections." Garnering film festival awards* from all over the country, this charming film stars friends, colleagues and their dog Zoe. And it is obviously a labor of love, judging from the very real chemical sparks between the two stars (and the fun everyone else seems to be having).

Neal (Stevenson) tries hopelessly to bury the nightmare of walking in on his girlfriend having sex with another guy. On their couch. His friends Barry and George try to drag him back to the dating world and get him right back on the 'ol saddle. Since nothing else seems to be working, Neal attempts their plan of responding to missed connections ads, pretending to be the guy lonely girls are searching for in order to take advantage of their disappointment when the real guy doesn't show. It works like a charm and he gets laid - a lot. That is, until he runs into Jane (Davies), who places fake ads to turn the tables on the opposite sex (it's complicated - but so is love, right?)

Funny things happen. Actually, pretty hilarious stuff. Since the cast has a background in comedy, they all know their way around one-liners. Shane Elliot and Alex Enriquez are hilarious as goofballs Barry and George, Avi Rothman is hilarious as friend Allan who sleeps with the ex Christine (Julie Mitchell) and appears naked in Neal's dreams, Stephanie Escajeda and Scott Beehner are hilarious as well-meaning awkward relatives Jillian and Daren, all of the missed connections are hilarious and those one-liners are definitely hilarious. And look out for minor characters with hilariously big encounters. But more than that, the underlying message of overcoming the crippling effects of a broken heart is touching and relatable. The zingers are nice and fun, but as they are supported by a sincere and heartfelt story, everything works. You laugh at the silly and root for the broken.

Director Eric Kissack puts together some nicely edited shots (and he's got the background to back that up) and Kenny Stevenson puts together a nicely written film, eliciting instant sympathy for the characters and holding our attention for the duration (it's 77 minutes, in case you were wondering). Stevenson and Davies shine as the lovelorn soul mates and are lovely to watch and cheer. There is not one wrong note here and the entire cast and crew is to be commended for a job well done and a story well told. Catch it live at a film festival near you, or at least watch it here.

Seriously, look how cute they all are:

*The Awards ... so far:
2013 San Luis Obispo International Film Festival – Best Narrative Feature
2012 Naples International Film Festival – Indie Spirit Award
2012 New Hampshire Film Festival – Audience Award
2012 Hell’s Half Mile Film and Music Festival - Best Of Fest
2012 Big Bear Lakes International Film Festival – Audience Award – Best Feature Film
2012 Traverse City Film Festival – Special Jury Prize – First Time Director
2012 Woods Hole Film Festival – Audience Award Best Comedy Feature
2012 Boston International Film Festival – Indie Spirit Story Line Award
2012 Cleveland International Film Festival – American Independent Award
2012 Indie Spirit Film Festival – Screener’s Choice Award
2012 Cinetopia International Film Festival – Cinetopia Laurels Award Read more!

Missed Connections

a kate west plea

Want to invest in your heart? Want to see someone else struggle to date in L.A.? Fund this!

Straight from the filmmakers:

I wrote this film, and my wife and I will be playing the two leads. The script was written specifically for people that we know. It's personal. We're shooting in our house and our friends houses. We've simplified the film making process to utilize what is available to us and what inspires us every day. I've been doing comedy in Los Angeles for eight years and have writing and performing on the biggest comedy stages in the city (The Groundlings, Upright Citizen's Brigade). While keeping with my comedic roots I really want to create something more, something deeper, something substantial. I have some insanely talented people involved with the project, and I'm certain that we are going create a truly funny film. We plan to shoot this project on the weekends. This is so cast and crew can still have their weekdays, if they need to go to work or auditions. We have friends working on every aspect of this film. Our editor is going to be editing while we shoot, our producer is working in her free time, and our actors are working for practically pennies. My wife is going to me making lunch and there is a good chance if I am not in a scene, I am going to be holding the boom. This project is all about friends - giving of themselves to create something special. It's our passion project.

See preview here:

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150158037246498

Fund here:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/982060345/missed-connections-0

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Aspirations of Grandeur Post-Divorce

In Her Words

One girl's dream of being a cougar

-Kate West 

(originally published August 2008 on bettyconfidential.com)

Dating sucks. Tell you something you don't know, right? But what happens when you jump back into the game ... later? A fine question, and one I'm still trying to answer as more and more of us find ourselves single later and later. The bad news for me personally hit home when, in 2001, after almost a decade of marriage, I was suddenly divorced and back at sea. I had to relearn how to swim.

Dating used to be this exciting kid-in-a-candy-store kind of deal, as I had just graduated from a boy-starved all-girls high school. Guys finally paid attention to me. They even told me I was pretty. All of which led directly to my first boyfriend, at age 18. Sure, it seems kind of late for these Britney Spears modern times, but did I mention the girls' school? It was so easy back then. All you had to do was stay in your 20s. I never had to ask one boy out; they all came to me. I got married in my mid-20s and didn't have to worry about it anymore. Or so I thought.

Flash forward to the new millennium and my current dating dilemma. The last time I went on a real date, George Michael still had FAITH. I think I bought my very first CD then too. Feeling old yet? Good times and lots of love and lust to be had. Alas, gone are the passive days of attraction. Now ... I am invisible. Welcome to your 40s. Not just a nasty side effect of living in youth-obsessed Hollywood, it's an inevitable reality now, as my single friends tell me it's pretty much the same all over. Succumbing to limited options, I tried Internet dating. Yikes. Guys my age do NOT want girls their age. In fact, most of them request girls in their 20s or at the most, early 30s. Needless to say, I didn't get many hits. So what does that leave me with?

Answer: not many options. Until I read about a growing phenomenon: cougars. Once used as a derogatory term for an older, desperate, predatory woman, the term cougar these days refers to an older, desperate, predatory woman who is now considered hip and cool. Thank you, Demi. But how to become one?

1. The first thing you need is money. Cougars are stylish, accomplished, professional (as in have a damn good job) women who can take care of themselves. Men their own age are intimidated by them, but younger men are surprisingly and openly fascinated. My problem starts right there. I have no money. In addition to having married way too young, I made the mistake of majoring in liberal arts. So although I am professionally successful at running a reputable program, it doesn't exactly pay well (the downside of nonprofit). But don't let my limitations stop YOU.

2. Now you are the hunter. After a lifetime of being hunted, it's a bit unnerving to try and turn that around. My first few attempts at being seductive were met with blatant panic (ouch), so you'll need to try a more subtle approach. But not too subtle, since you are aiming for the young prey, and they tend to be a little dense. Practice. Start out by hanging with a younger crowd, maybe attending a few of their "rave" parties. (I know, I know, but have a heart, see my '80s references above.) If this doesn't prove to be too humiliating, start hanging out with them even more by going to movies, etc. If you find you can no longer tolerate the inane conversations (sorry, kids, there are only so many reality-show-based chats I can listen to before I want to kill someone), you are obligated to stop immediately and go find your dignity. Which is not to say there aren't sophisticated young studs capable of matching wits, but let's face it, aren't they a little scarce in L.A.?

But if, however, you find all that virile youth, er, stimulating, then encourage the young cubs to pursue your interests. Take them to museums and play readings, if they aren't already familiar with such cultural outings. You are the educator, and believe me, they will be eager to learn. And I mean everything. You're more experienced in every possible way, and this is deeply attractive to them, so use it to your advantage (and to their delight).

I mean, why should men be the only ones appreciating the younger set? If Samantha can do it in Sex and the City, we can do it too. After all, surely she's modeled after real, viable, confident, strong and striking women. We didn't do all that marching back in the '60s (and even 1800s) not to be able to take control. Besides watching Madonna get down with Justin Timberlake, there's Cher, Mariah Carey, Jennifer Aniston, Katie Couric and even Star Jones. I'm sure you know some personally. They show up in the news more and more now and are increasingly accepted. It's heartwarming.

Now just so you know, a lot of cougars are in it for the fun (stereotypically, that is, and there's nothing wrong with that), but it is possible to find lasting love. Just ask Demi. Hey, I'll try it if you will - so good luck and happy hunting!

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The Friend Factor

How being friends with my ex-husband helped me find me

-Kate West 

(originally published August 2008 on bettyconfidential.com)

I've always been puzzled by the radical notion that people could be friends with their exes. Plenty of people I know have amiable relationships with exes; some out of respect for the children involved, and others because, well, they're capable of adult maturity. Bully for them.

I, on the other hand, wallow and obsess and allow my wounded self to heal in precisely half the time we were together, just like my magazines dictate. The trouble is my emotions and expectations get all tied up in the person I'm with, so when that part of my life is over, I really do have to start life all over again. Note to my future prospects: I'm totally better at this now, I promise!

So when my husband walked out on me after 13 years, I wanted to be stronger. This was the biggest break-up of my life, and I went from being with someone for that long to being completely and suddenly alone in one unexpected instant. But since he was so nonchalant about it all, wasn't it better not to give him the satisfaction of seeing how destroyed I was? It took me a while, but I did come to realize I was mourning my life more than the relationship itself. No one expects or ever wants love to end or to peter out, as ours did, into a brother-and-sister- like zone, with mind-numbingly boring daily routines. Sometimes you can climb out of those ruts (if you both work on it), but sometimes, sorry to say, you really can't, especially if no one is working on it. So I suppose we really were better off in the long run, in the end after all - just not in the execution of the event.

Anyway, I felt I had no choice but to follow his friendship lead, since there was apparently no going back. And I wanted to be sophisticated, which meant we met for lunch every week where I whined about Internet dating and he told me every detail of every conquest. Fun! I felt positively European. Yeah!!! But I knew I had entered new territory one day when he called and asked me for some free tickets at the theater where I worked. I usually provided comps for friends, and since I was absolutely determined to maybe try out actually kind of being friends with an ex for the first time, I told him sure. After all, what harm could it do? (Don't answer that.).

Then he said he was going on a blind date and wanted to take her to the show, and asked if that would be a problem. Well this was a first. Since we were not (ha-ha, Freudian slip, I meant now) best pals, I left the tickets for him at the box office, the result being that Yours Truly is the one solely responsible for giving the two lovebirds the memory of where they first met and started dating. They've been together for years now (told you). This turned out to be a great story to tell my friends and to garner sympathy from relatives as well as random strangers. We could all chat about my self-respect and relationship issues all at once because no one else had ever suffered a loss like mine, right?

But then I realized that each of us is responsible for our own choices. I did say I wanted to be friends, and if we truly had something before, and we must have, then I had to be happy for him now. And I am. I am happy for myself too. If I were to be brutally honest, neither of us was living to our potential. We married too young and then didn't grow together the way we were supposed to. If I could get over my own ego - and believe me, this takes years - I'd be able to look at the big picture and see that I am being handed a brand-new life, a clean slate, and a way to find my true self. When else would I get this opportunity? I intend to take full advantage of this, to put down that carton of Ben & Jerry's (why is that tired old cliché so tragically true during break-ups?) and go live my life. MY life. One problem with getting into a relationship too soon is that you are in danger of living someone else's life, and then you will lose sight of your own.

So I freely gave my ex and his girl their memories, and the instant I did that, my heart once again became free and open. And I am finally ready for the next big relationship - - the one with myself. Yes, I have baggage, but now it fits neatly under my seat. Bon voyage! 


Read more!

YES

The Year of Yes
by Maria Dahvana Headley
a kate west favorite










Maria Dahvana Headley wrote "The Year of Yes" after literally living entirely for the moment for exactly one year. Because she no longer trusted her judgement in dating and her taste in men, she decided on a experiment. She would say yes to every single person who asked her out. This resulted in some bizarre entanglements, but she was willing to be open to the universe which also makes for a highly entertaining book. It's not something everyone can do, of course, but it's fun to read about someone else going through such trials and tribulations. The end result is that she finds her true love, someone she would not have considered normally and someone she now had access to due to her year of affirmation. Good to know.

It would be nice to be able to just wait and see what the universe has in store, but not all of us gets asked out as much. Headley's approach is seemingly proactive in more of a passive way, which is fine for her. That being said, you will love this book if you are at all in the mood for cheering on risk-takers, something we should all probably exercise. Since it's a memoir, her amusing anecdotes are all about her own experiences from her own perspective, which is as it should be. Be happy that it worked out for her.

Just Say Yes to:
The Year of Yes

www.myspace.com/mariadahvanaheadley Read more!

Life and Online Dating

a kate west reflection

You never know who's going to end up together. It's not something you have any business sorting out, either. Chemistry and timing play a part, as well as a general outlook on life, love and dating. Life is unexpected. And love can change. Who knew?

The year 2001 changed my entire life, in so many ways. September 11 happened and then the whole world changed, so what did my small life have to do with anything? Well, I still had to live it, when all was said and done. After our national shock, we all had to get back to living our lives. Comedians started being funny again and Hollywood celebrities came out of hiding. And I started online dating. And perceptions and perspectives got small again.

On to major trivialities. Can I work out my own insecurities, while still caring about the state of the planet? Like I said, I had to start living my life again and if the whole country could do it, so could I. It all ties in - for me, at least. O.K. so forgive me. Please. Moment of self-indulgence. But who knows, maybe we'll all learn something together.

Here's the thing about online dating. Profiles don't match. Guys, it's not your fault - I don't match my profile either. Everything on there is true, but you're right this moment building a fantasy in your head, which I just can't live up to - no one can. And I'm doing the same to you. Cyber reality isn't reality at all - it's what we want to have happen and then we're disappointed when it doesn't come true. So I've given up online dating. I know, I know, a lot of you married people you met online, but it's pretty unusual to meet someone perfect from a photo gallery of strangers. What are the odds? And if you've been out of circulation, for oh, say decades, the rules may have changed and it's kind of like starting out all over again. But straight from high school. And who wants to do that? Ugh. Better for real friendships to develop into something else. But who has the time for that in this day and age?

There must be a better way. So we join fun organizations and fitness clubs and try to stick with people we have something in common with. Maybe. The old fashioned way. It may take a longer, but it's a lot less stressful. And all of those how-to dating books don't really help either. It either happens or it doesn't. When we try to force nature, it backfires. Hence, global warming. And bad dates.

So back to the drawing board! And better perceptions and perspectives. And a more serious version of life. Like joining the Peace Corps. Anything to help others and get out of your own head at the same time. Because without a peaceful world, how can we find happiness with each other?

p.s. Firemen are still the best superheroes, in my book (and totally datable). We haven't forgotten you. Believe me. Peace.

www.peacecorps.gov/

MORE Magazine: www.more.com Read more!